PJs Time

A cow standing on the road keeps shouting 'F'... 'F'...
Why???
?
?
?
Because F=ma (Newton's Second Law :) )

A boy throws a bottle of Bournvita out of the window. A cat sees it, and takes the bottle of bournvita and buries it under the ground. Why?
?
?
?
Because 'CAT-BURIES' Bournvita

Who is called female Java?
?
?
?
Java'Gal' Srinath

3 cockroaches are walking on the road. Suddenly 1 of them starts singing 'Tujhe Dekha To Yeh Jaana Sanam...' And the other 2 die immediately. Why?
?
?
?
Because it was a HIT song.

Tortoise and Rabbit PJ

Tortoise and rabbit gave CET exam and tortoise got 80% and rabbit got 81%.

Both wanted admission in a good engineering college, cut off was 85%.

Rabbit dint get but tortoise got…
 

How….

?
?
Ans: Remember tortoise had won the race when you were in first standard..

              So.. Sports quota!!!!

Back to School Time

Q. What happens to your body as you age?
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get continental.

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death.

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour?
A. Keep it in the cow.

Q. How are the main parts of the body categorised?
A. The body consists of three parts – the branium, the borax and the
abominable cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the
heart and lungs and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, a, e, i, o
and u.

Q. Briefly describe the skeleton and its function in the body
A. The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the
outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to
hang the meat on.

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman emperor.

Q. What is a terminal illness?
A. When you’re sick at the airport.

Q. What is artificial respiration commonly known as?
A. The kiss of death.

Q. What are steroids?
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is its characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places so they look like umbrellas.

Q. What is a magnet?
A. Something you find crawling on a dead animal.

A True Software Engineer

An ambitious software engineer finally decided to take a vacation. He
booked
himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his
life. At
least for a while. A hurricane came up unexpectedly. The ship went down
and
was lost instantly. The man found himself swept up on the shores of an
island with no other people, no supplies, nothing. Only bananas and
coconuts.

Used to four-star hotels, this guy had no idea what to do. So, for the
next
four months he ate bananas, drank coconut juice, longed for his old
life,
and fixed his gaze on the sea, hoping to spot a rescue ship.

One day, as he was lying on the beach, he spotted movement out of the
corner
of his eye. It was a row boat, and in it was the most gorgeous woman he
had
ever seen. She rowed up to him.

In disbelief, he asked her: "Where did you come from, and how did you
get
here?"

"I rowed from the other side of the island," she said. "I landed here
when
my cruise ship sank."

"Amazing," the software engineer said, "I didn't know anyone else had
survived. How many of you are there? You were really lucky to have a row
boat wash up with you."

"It's only me," she said, "and the row boat didn't wash up: nothing
did."

He was confused, "Then how did you get the row boat?"

"Oh, simple," replied the woman. "I made it out of raw material that I
found
on the island. The oars were whittled from gum-tree branches, I wove the
bottom from palm branches, and the sides and stern came from a
eucalyptus
tree."

"But, but, that's impossible," stuttered the man. "You had no tools or
hardware - how did you manage?"

"Oh, that was no problem," the woman said. "On the south side of the
island,
there is a very unusual strata of exposed alluvial rock. I found that if
I
fired it to a certain temperature, it melted into forge able ductile
iron. I
used that to make tools, and used the tools to make the hardware. But
enough
of that. Where do you live?"

Sheepishly, the man confessed that he had been sleeping on the beach the
whole time. "Well, let's row over to my place then," she said.

After a few minutes of rowing, she docked the boat at a small wharf. As
the
man looked onto shore, he nearly fell out of the boat. Before him was a
stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white.

While the woman tied up the row boat with an expertly woven hemp rope,
the
man could only stare ahead, dumbstruck.

As they walked into the house, she said casually, "It's not much, but I
call
it home. Sit down, please. Would you like to have a drink?"

"No, no, thank you," he said, still dazed. "I couldn't drink another
drop of
coconut juice."

"It's not coconut juice," the woman replied. "I have made a still - How
about a Pina Colada?"

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the software engineer accepted,
and
they sat down on her couch to talk. After they had exchanged their
stories,
the woman announced, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable.
Would you like to have a shower and a shave? There is a razor upstairs
in
the cabinet in the bathroom."

No longer questioning anything, the man went into the bathroom. There in
the
cabinet was a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a
hollow-ground edge were fastened to its tip, inside a swivel mechanism.

"This woman is absolutely amazing," he mused. "What next?"

When he returned, the woman greeted him. She beckoned for him to sit
down
next to her. "Tell me," she began suggestively, Slithering closer to
him,
brushing her leg against his, "We've both been out here for a very long
time. You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel
like
doing right now, something you've been longing to do for all of these
months."

She stared into his eyes.

He couldn't believe what he was hearing - this was like all of his
dreams
coming true in one day.

"You mean...," he replied, "I can check my e-mail from here?"

Sardar Jokes

Srdr: I hav'nt slept all nite in the train.
Frnd: Y?
Srdr: Got upper berth.
Frnd: Y did'nt u Xchnged?
Srdr: oye, there was nobody 2 Xchng in the lower
berth..


Sardar tells a girl "Come 2 my house at nite, nobody
will b
there............. Girl goes at night & realy nobody
was there


A SARDAR went 2 a BANK to open a S.B. A/C. After
seeing the Form He hed
gone to DELHI for filling up. U know y?

FORM say " FILL UP IN CAPITAL ".


A sardar invested 2 Lakhs in a business and Suffered
huge Loss.

Do u know what the business was?

. . . .. . . . . . . . He opened a Saloon
in Punjab!.


A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after
Every 10 sec a women
gives birth to a kid.

A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.


Sardar-why r all these people running?
Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why r
others running?


Sardar had twins; he named them Tin Martin.
Again had twins & named Peter & Repeater.
again twins & named Max & Climax.
Again d same. disgusted Sardar named them
TIRED&RETIRED!


19 SARDARS WENT 4A FILM.ON ASKING THEM Y THEY CAME IN
A BIG GROUP OF
19? THEY REPLIED THAT THE FILM WAS ONLY FOR ABOVE
18...


A sardharji photographer focusing a dead body's face
in a funeral
function, suddenly all relatives beat him why?
.
.
He said "SMILE PLEASE"


Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence
into future tense.
Sardar: The future tense is "u will go to jail".


Srdr gets ready ,wears tie, coat ,goes out, climbs
tree, sits on the
branch regularly. A man asks why he does this.
Srdr:"I've been promoted
as branch manager."


Sardarji standing below a tube light with a open
mouth.................
WHY?
because his doctor advised him "Todays dinner should
be light"_-=


Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He
was not sure as
to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".

After much thought he wrote : Yes!


SARDAR & FAMILY GO 2 A PARTY. HE INTRODUCES HIMSELF -
I SARDAR,SHE
SARDARNEE, THE BOY MY KID & THE GIRL MY KIDNEY....


One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his
college.

U knw Why?

Because he wanted to check where the question paper is
leaking...


Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It"s
already raining. Sardar: So what take an umbrella and
go.


Santa! Your daughter has died!
Depressed, Sardar jumps from 100th floor
At 50th floor he remembers I don't have a daughter!
At 25flr:I'm unmarried!
At 10flr:I'm Banta not santa


ON A ROMANTIC DATE SARDARS GIRL FRIEND ASKS
HIM,DARLING ON OUR
ENGAGEMENT WILL U GIVE ME A RING?

HE SAID YA SURE WHATS YOUR PHONE NUMBER


Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question
ever -
What will come first, Chicken or egg?

O Yaar, what ever u order first will come first.


A dog was chasing a Sardar and the Sardar was
laughing.
A bystander: why are u laughing?
Sardar: I have a Air cell phone but still hutch
network is following
me.


Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer
gave 14 cr after
deducting tax.
Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs
back.!


A teacher told all students in a class to write an
essay on a cricket
match.All were busy writing except one Sardarji.He
wrote "DUE TO RAIN,
NO MATCH!"


Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This
Packet

Sardar:- why did u come so far. Instead u could
have posted
it....


What does a sardar do after taking a xerox?
He will compare it with the original for any spelling
mistakes.


Sardar proposed a Girl......Girl said 'I'm 1yr elder
to
you'...........Sardar said 'Oye No Problem Soniye,I'll
marry you NEXT YEAR.


WHY CANT SARDARS DIAL NINE-ELEVEN (911) AT EMERGENCY?
** THEY CAN NOT FIND THE ELEVEN ON THE PHONE.


Sardar & his wife buy coffee in a shop.
Sardar says... Drink quickly......
Wife asks why...
sardar says hot coffee Rs5 and cold coffee Rs10


A Sardar & his wife filed an application 4 Divorce.
Judge asked: How'll
U divide, U"VE 3 children? Sardar replied: Ok! We"ll
apply NEXT YEAR


Sardar's wish :when i die,i wana die lik my grandpa
who died peacefuly in his sleep not screamin like all
d passengers in d car while he was driving..


Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible
looking thing is what
you call modern art ?

Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!


Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing 2 my 6 yr old son, he can't read
very fast.


Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in
punjab . Local
sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still
digging for more..


A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking
at evening not in
the morning. Sardarji replied ''Arey bhai Manmohan is
PM not AM''.


Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.
Man says CHIN YU YAN n dies.
Srdr goes2 china 2 find meaning of friends last words.
It is 'U R STANDNG ON D OXIGN TUBE!"


Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his
eyes closed.
His wife asked what you are doing ?
He said-im seeing how i look while sleeping

Deadly

Question: You are in a boat in the middle of a river. You have 2
cigarettes and have to light any one cigarette. You don't have
anything else with you in the boat? How will you do it?

?
?
?

?
?
?

?
?
?

?
?
?


Answer: Take one cigarette and throw it in the water. So the boat
will become LIGHTER........using this LIGHTER you can light the other
cigarette !!!! for another deadly answer... scroll down a bit
?
?
?

?
?
?

?
?
?

Another solution: You throw a cigarette up and catch it. Catches win
Matches. Using the matches that you win, you can light the cigarette
If that was not enough, one more deadly answer.... scroll down

?
?
?

?
?
?

Take water in your hand and drop it drop by drop...(TIP - TIP)
"TIP TIP barsa Pani.
Pani ne aag lagayee."
us aag se hamne cigarette jalayee".